Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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