Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
