then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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