I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
