I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
