I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
