he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
