well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
