I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
