Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
