what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
