he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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