I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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