At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
