he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
