Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
