walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize