So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
