Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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