can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
