I can text with my tongue
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
