im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
