i wish my penis had a tongue
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
