6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
