Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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