She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
