I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
