Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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