dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize