he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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