Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
