There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
