When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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