You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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