i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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