you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize