I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize