my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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