What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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