Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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