The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
