I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
