This girl is more easily done than said...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
