The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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