We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
