Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
