We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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