Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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