I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
