Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
