Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
