A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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