Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
