His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
