I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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