the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
