so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
