You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
