Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
