Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize