You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
