just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
