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I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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