I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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