so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
