He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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