Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
