can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
