dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
