I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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