It was confusing and full of hummus
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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