Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
