too bad you live with your parents still
I think I am morally bankrupt
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
