i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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