Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
