We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
