Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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