im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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