maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
