i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
