There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
