Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
