whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize