There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
