I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
